Oregon hadn't even started thinking about their Alamo Bowl uniform combination before learning that starting tight end Pharaoh Brown would be skipping the team's trip to San Antonio. Brown was suspended by head coach Mark Helfrich for his role in...
...accepting gifts from boosters?
...testing positive for a banned substance?
...failing a class?
..."violating team rules"?
...nah...for participating in a snowball fight.
Now I know your natural inclination is to flip out and call this the most ridiculous suspension of the bowl season, so Double Coverage proudly presents Exhibit A, the snowball fight video:
OK. SCREW this kid. Forget suspending him for the bowl game...just throw his ass in a snow bank in his boxers and let him freeze to death. What kind of punk bitches pelt old retired professors and dump snow all over the cars of innocent bystanders just trying to get home in a snowstorm. They're all lucky nobody gunned it down that street and ran their asses over. You want to throw snowballs at each other? Good...you're in college...have a freaking blast. But the second you start attacking senior citizens in your damn LETTERMAN'S JACKET you've lost all sympathy. Way to all man the hell up when the dude got out of his car though.
Or, as our man KMarko over at Barstool U said, "Kind of like a metaphor for the Oregon season. Started off so promising and ended with a bunch of guys talking shit and being assholes."